I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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