i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
