zippers are such a cool invention
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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