I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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