____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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