he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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