So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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