I need to stop coming to work sober
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
