so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
false alarm, still single
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
