Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
