you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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