Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
