no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
