there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
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I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
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She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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