i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
