My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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