Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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