We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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