Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
