He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
