we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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