I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize