Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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