My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
