Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every concussion has its silver lining
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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