i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Even my vagina gasped.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
