good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
