just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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