She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
