Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
