in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
