no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
