My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
