You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
