Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
