She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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