WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you will always have a special place in my vag
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
