Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?