took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
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Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!