My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
