can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
