Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize