yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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