I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
