Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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