when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize