Betty ford says i'm here all night
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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