I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
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We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
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I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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