i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
