Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
