I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
