Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm getting married
To pizza
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
