I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
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The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
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Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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