quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
is it fun? or sober?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
