gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
