Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
