maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
