Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
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Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
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Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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