well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
