and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
