Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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