Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
